great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
