You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
