i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
