I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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