I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize