I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
