My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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