I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
