He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
