What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
