dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
