i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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