he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I color on your dick again?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
