That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
