im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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