he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize