Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
