How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
