Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize