dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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