Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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