i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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