The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize