It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
either way he was missing a nipple.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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