are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this will be a night to untag.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
