I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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