Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she told me i tasted like america
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize