Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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