Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
