I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
