I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
