i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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