i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I enjoy the company of your penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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