So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
