FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
