I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
