hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
