i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
