sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
