Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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