Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize