I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
