when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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