Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize