Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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