and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
