My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
