Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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