Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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