so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
