Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
