and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
