I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is the high leading the old right now
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
