We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
