At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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