Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
