I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize