Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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