Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
