she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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