it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
