I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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