I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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