somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
