I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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