I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
