She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
