I can text with my tongue
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
