It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
