I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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