Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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