His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
