My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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