Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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