can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
