then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
