Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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