we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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