She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
