i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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