is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize