I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
