Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
