She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
two words: eviction party
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
