SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Even my vagina gasped.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize