the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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