My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
