we have pet lesbian snakes
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
