toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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