Having a random hookup so left but love u
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
