My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
