What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
