All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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