went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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