One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
