it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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