Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
