Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
