I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize