So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
