the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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